1 of 5 Val Porter
2 of 5 Mike
3 of 5 Bill
4 of 5 Randy
5 of 5 Randy
1 of 4 Claw Deal!!
50 douchey recipes to unjustly brand the special someone in your life who said they tried it once and it wasn’t bad. Literally never bought one. Every meal is infused with White Claw and will probably make you sick because ol’ White Claw Willy can’t cook a tv dinner without burning it. From Black Cherry Chicken that you clean in a cold shower to Mango Brisket that will make you rollerblade faster than Doc Hollywood. Claw Deal. Available at 16th Chapel Dot com
2 of 4 Glory Glaze!
50 Mouth-watering lamb chop recipes that would make your grandfather’s d**k hard! There was a time when men were men and women were just there. A time when Bruce raged against the machine and your pap raged against his corduroys at the dinner table from those succulent lamb chops. This holiday get the man in your life a book that will make sure all the men that moved on can’t roll over in their grave. Glory Glaze. Available with an extra belt to help pin it to your stomach.
3 of 4 Cottage, Please!
50 absolutely disgusting cottage cheese recipes designed by Randy and for Randy. From Sloppy Crepes to Lumpy Blintzes, you’ll need a drop cloth and a puke bucket for these awful treats. I know what you’re thinking, a whole cookbook dedicated to cottage cheese makes as much sense as getting a pedicure because it was raining when you were at the mall, but I promise you’ll dry heave your way to your dream weight choking down these runny-curdled-milk poor-excuse-for-cheese dishes in no time. Cottage, Please! Available at I’ve been sick for a full month dot com.
4 of 4 Eat and Die!
50 Heart-Clogging recipes to make sure the only to-go box you’ll need is a pine one. Meats smoked the way they used to be, with your dad yelling and blowing camel non-filters onto it as it’s served. From Deep Fried Squirrel Burger’s to bacon wrapped BBQ Chicken Pizza ambrosia, you’ll eat like a prisoner on his way to the electric chair (electric chair sold separately). The world is awful and you might as well have some comfort food until this asteroid gets here. Eat and Die. Available at Little Meat Eater Dot Com