We’ll get to Thursday, Friday and Saturday soon enough.
But first, as a precursor, it’s time to have a little fun (more fun than comparing and contrasting the value of fifth-round edge rushers vs. sixth-round offensive tackles).
In an effort to get you in a selection mindset without risking a further slip into the malaise of minutiae, it’s time for the All-Time Football Movie Draft:
OFFENSE
QB - Lots of options, but the guy has to be Paul “Wrecking” Crewe from “The Longest Yard” (Burt Reynolds, not Adam Sandler). Only the truly great can start out by trying to throw the game and still come back and win the game. Mean Machine!
RB - Gayle Sayers from “Brian’s Song” (Billy Dee Williams) and Ernie Davis from “The Express” (Rob Brown). Not sure about the longevity of this backfield tandem, but if they’re on the field together … good luck trying to tackle them.
WR - DeSean Jackson from “Silver Linings Playbook” and Phil Elliott from “North Dallas Forty” (Nick Nolte). Jackson technically never appears in “Playbook” but his jersey does, and we’re informed in no uncertain terms that “DeSean Jackson is the man.” Elliott had the best hands in the league until he realized it was time to put away childish things.
TE - Brian Murphy from “The Replacements” (David Denman). He couldn’t hear but he could catch. And based on the reactions of one of the stripper/cheerleaders, he was about to score.
OL - Michael Oher from “The Blind Side” (Quinton Aaron), “Big” Gus Schiller from Penrose High School from “Leatherheads” (Keith Loneker), Dennis Franks from ‘Invincible” (Stink Fisher), Billy Bob from “Varsity Blues” (Ron Lester), Andre Krimm from “Necessary Roughness” (Sinbad). I never knew Franks was a McKeesport native and a Bethel Park grad before researching this, but that made me feel even better about this offensive line than I did initially. And I felt great about it initially.
DEFENSE
DL - Ivory Christian from “Friday Night Lights” (Lee Jackson), Joe Greene from “Smokey and the Bandit II” (Joe Greene), Gorman from “Heaven Can Wait” (Deacon Jones), Julius Campbell from “Remember the Titans” (Wood Harris). Run on these guys? The possibility for success is extremely remote.
LB - Luther “Shark” Lavay from “Any Given Sunday” (Lawrence Taylor), Danny Bateman from “The Replacements” (Jon Favreau), Bogdanski from “The Longest Yard” (Ray Nitschke). You need the ball? They’ll get you the ball.
CB - Steff Djordjevic from “All the Right Moves” (Tom Cruise), Nate Ruffin from “We Are Marshall” (Anthony Mackie). Steff knew who he was and what he wanted all along. He just wanted to go to college.
S - Roland Steele from “Rudy” (Kevin C. White), Freddie Steinmark from “My All-American” (Finn Wittrock). A pair of players that provided a captain-like presence on the back end.
K - Lucy Draper from “Necessary Roughness” (Kathy Ireland). Others need not apply.
P - George Gipp from “Knute Rockne, All American” (Ronald Reagan). Someday, when the breaks are beating the boys, they can be persuaded to win just one for “the Gipper.”
RS - Forrest Gump from “Forrest Gump” (Tom Hanks). “He must be the stupidest son of a bitch alive but he sure is fast.”
Coach - Vince Lombardi from “Code Breakers” (Richard Zeppieri). He was portrayed as an assistant at West Point in 1951. He went on to bigger and better things in Green Bay.
Can’t wait to get this team on the field for OTAs.